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    13Feb, 2019
    Valentine’s nigh
    Love; a four letter word, simple to pronounce but yet hard to understand. 
When someone falls in love with someone or something they develop unfathomable passion towards the person or thing, it's an ecstatic feeling you may say.  It’s the month of love so they say and to be precise the week of Love simply because Valentine’s day is just around the corner.

    Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate romance and love.
    After doing a small background check i learnt some shocking revelations about the origin of Valentine’s Day.

    How did this day come to be?

    From Feb 13 to 15, the Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. The men sacrificed a goat and a dog, and then whipped women with the hides of the animals they had just slain. Sounds funny right? But the funniest part is that the women were naked and all the beating was in the name of making them fertile (well that’s what they believed). This is according to Noel Lenski, a historian at the University of Colorado in Boulder.
    The ancient Romans may also be responsible for the name of our modern-day of Love. Emperor Claudius II executed two men both named Valentine on Feb 14, different years in the 3rd century A.D. Their martyrdom was honored by the Catholic Church with the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day.

    Why celebrate this Day ?

    Valentine’s is all about loved ones,  young in love, newlyweds probably 3-4 years in marriage and those still in courtship among others. It’s all about being merry and getting surprise gifts. This is the time of the year when demand for flowers and chocolate shoots high and people in this line of business tend to make a fortune. Did you know that chocolate emits the same chemical into your body which is produced when you start falling in love? Now that’s reason enough to get your loved one a box of chocolates this Valentine’s.

    Single men and women out here do not feel abandoned. Don’t even think of posting that photo with the tagline “Self-love”. It’s a cynical and desperate move.

    Divorced, widows and widowers, who said YOU can’t celebrate Valentines? To me this a time we should show our love not only to the single most person you love but as well to others, the strangers, that street beggar on the corner of the street, the street urchins, that single mother with three kids who you always call during the weekends to come do your laundry ( i know most bachelors can relate to this).

    It would be much better if we viewed Valentine’s differently. How i wish we would use this week to show our Love to the less fortunate, the under-privileged, those that have been through hell, those that feel like there’s nothing to live for in this world.

    Sometimes it’s just important to be there for someone, you don’t have to say anything but your presence matters a lot. Makes them feel that they have a sense of belonging. That company only means a lot to someone.

    For once let’s forget about our daily hassle, the political temperature in our country, the color of our skin, the tribe, the religion and culture and embrace each other with Love.

    When was the last time you did something out of love? It’s the month of Love and it’s never too late. Let’s start with a simple act of changing our attitude. Let’s share the Love we have with others.

    By Madiba Muyonga

    What is your perception about Valentine’s Day ?

    Please comment below or contact us at [mail_crypt mail=” info@ivakale.consulting” text=”Ivakale.Consulting” js=”true”] or [mail_crypt mail=” https://ivakale.consulting/contact   ” text=”” js=”false”]

    18Dec, 2018
    Single parenthood and dating


    Dating in this century is hard and it gets harder when it comes to single parents.     When dating a single parent, he/she isn’t the only one in the equation, it solely expands to the children too. Quite hard you say ? This means a lot  needs to be improvised since there is a third-party who equally needs the attention from you both.No sane parent would ever compromise on the happiness of their children, with this said, it then requires an equal participation of the children. They mean the world to their parents and no one would love to age lonely and grappled,hence the need to find someone who is compatible with you, and also your children.

    There are a lot of challenges facing single parents when dating. Some issues such as finding someone who loves you and will love your child, time, feeling used, the dominant ex and children.

    Children   Suppose you find that single man, and has children.  It’s quite a jackpot, right? Problems set in when those children retaliate against you! They want only their mother to be there for the dad. You can’t fight someones child for love, in the long run, you will lose that battle. This doesn’t  mean that all children from single parents are inclined to their other parent, but it happens!

    Another issue on children, is dating someone who doesn’t like your kids! Who does that?  Why would anyone try date a single parent and not love his/her kids ? Are they normal ? And will this single parent be normal accepting such a person in their lives ? What if he/she marries you ? Do you know the amount of torture you would have subjected your kids to ? Parents and those in question should extensively think ahead when it reaches to this point.

    Take time to also introduce your children to the persons you date, gradually.  Not every Tom, Lewis and Mary should meet your kids. Be choosy, its good for you and your children. Least the child gets  attached to a person then you end up breaking up. What comes to mind is, how well will one explain to a child why so and so left and will never come back ? Spare some agony to the Children!

    Time

    Time is everything when it comes to dating. For a single parent, is literally VERY important! One  has to manage their career, children and also his/her date. It spells out that the single parent should at least lay out a timetable for smooth-running of activities, Children should come first ! Get someone who understands that you can’t just pop out for a coffee dates  out of the blues, can’t always appear at date nights all weekend nor even do sleep-overs at whichever house. Adults are best suited to understand but not children. They need you more than that date and it highly commendable that the person you date is sympathetic enough to know your struggles.

    The ex

    An ex refers to the previous baby daddy or baby mamma / the other parent. Here, you might find that ex who has completely refused to let go,  and in most cases use the kids to fight their battles. Disgruntled ex are a pain in the a**! There are so many single parents who haven’t rode on the idea of dating solely because, they need peace . Drama brought by these exes is something painful, so they choose to remain single. The Psycho text messages to the current boy/girlfriend, setting up thugs to rough one up, poisoning the children against one, popping by the ex’s home without invitation (…leave alone those who stay at their exes house, haahaa) are just a list of the unpleasant things an ex could do!

    FEELING USED

    In so many scenarios, most single parents often feel used by their counterparts when the relationship  is on or doesn’t work. Many people assume that these single parents are so desperate to find love. So, they tend to take in everything that avails themselves ! It’s a sad state of affairs. Here is an example of a single mother, she meets a man… This man comes to live off her. In her house, doesn’t pay bills nor partake in anything ! Aren’t relationships supposed to be 50-50? What you dish out is whats expected in return, if not, have a run for the hills!!!

    Not forgetting those single parents who will use you as a replacement dad/mom and expect you to fully cater for their needs. Heck, you are not yet married. Only expect 100% participation when fully committed. It’s not bad to help but at least do it in moderation or do it out of  passion. Otherwise, you might be dumped and the ideal man/woman will be married within a week. Disclaimer, not all single parents do this.

    If anyone needs their houses, clothes cleaned, seek services from professionals, the person you date isn’t your house assistant…. this goes out to single but not with children.

    These are just but a few the dating world offers to single parents. It’s good to find love but one question that needs to linger on your mind is, “Is this good for me, my children and the other person ? ” Don’t try to impress one person at the expense of the other. There are awesome people who you are yet to meet/or met. Some, if it doesn’t work let go. No one died from being single. You have a whole life ahead of you, and children to mind. What should be yours will undisputed be yours. TAKE TIME AND EVALUATE WHAT PRESENTS ITSELF TO YOU.